I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
