I feel like I'm in dance class right now
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize