Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
