shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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