Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
