I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
