having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
