So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
