He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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