and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
