I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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