I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize