Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
