I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
