i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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