I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
