She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
