the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
