How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
