im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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