finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
