she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
