You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
