i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I CAN MOONWALK!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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