Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's official drugs can't kill me
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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