The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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