I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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