Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Come see our sink grown plant.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize