The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
