glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
