Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Drunk is not a location!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
