my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize