i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize