Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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