I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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