PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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