matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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