Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
