well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
