last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
