I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
