the condom got lost in my hair
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
