im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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