well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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