Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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