I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
