i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
