we have officially lost it.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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