If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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