I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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