I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
