i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
