dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I can't turn off my feet"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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