I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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