i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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