I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize