Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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