I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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