Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
