he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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