im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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