just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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