New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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