Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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