this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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