The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
