I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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