ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i've created a new STD.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
