You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Houston, we have a squirter
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
