Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
