drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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