We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
