Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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