We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
